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my oprah, “AHA!” moment…

October 16, 2009

so i have ‘commitment’ issues…this is not new information to me, but every once in a while someone brings up this fact and i’m like ‘oh yeah, i forgot…” .  how do i reconcile my commitment issues?  i seek out relationships with men who can’t be in relationships.  usually they have intimacy issues, an ex-wife, a girlfriend etc.  now i do not consciously do this–but it so happens that i (usually) pursue guys who eventually dick around, but in actuality, i KNEW they would dick around…i think i’m afraid of 2 things.

1:  I will find someone worth the work, pain, anguish and happiness, then be terrified of losing him, and, more importantly:

2: If i focus my concern on someone else, and blaming someone else for my unhappiness, I never have to face my own demons.

So I was riding the train into work this evening and had this oprah ‘aha’ moment…my issues have nothing to do with mat the musician, or jake the douchebag, or dan the librarian…my issues are MINE.  i need to find something for MYSELF to be happy and stop trying to distract myself with dumbshit guys who are even more clueless than i am…and i’m pretty fucking clueless.

so yes, this is my moment people…let’s see what i choose to do with it…i got the oprah line from this show.  SO FUNNY.

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