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people can’t fill emotional voids, but tater tots can…

October 5, 2009

walking through nyc with a slightly-wounded heart is a funny feeling.  sometimes nyc is is ugly, cruel and disgusting, perfect for being in a shitty mood.  but then there are days like today.

it was a gorgeous fall evening and i walked from the 2nd ave whole foods to the essex/delancey stop carrying a bag of groceries.  i bought some frozen veggies and they were pressed up against my stomach and the bag making me very cold.  though i was incredibly sad i felt oddly victorious at once again allowing real, human emotions come from my body.  my pants are getting looser, my hair longer, and my eyes a little watery.

i am sad about someone i barely know and i think what hurts the most is i will probably never get to know more about them.  i also feel like this person is genuinely sad that they cannot get to know me or spend time with me either.  it’s strange.  it is not often we can find a connection with someone so quickly, and when that is abruptly ripped away from us it’s almost like having a broken heart. i have only been with this person 3 times and i already miss them.  this stinks.

so i’m nursing my heart with some homemade vegetable soup and possibly some tater tots later on.

when i was dating the librarian and being denied significant intimacies, i would drive to jack in the box and order up some fried food at midnite and gorge, partly to fill the void he created and partly because i didn’t eat during the day.  but i look back on those nites waiting at the drive-thru fondly.  is that weird?

well now i’m moved onto more healthy foods, but a less healthy situation.  can things go back to normal now?  can we pretend like it never happened.  i dunno–i probably can…

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