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origin story…

March 9, 2009

(fyi-i started this post last october when i’d only been here a month.  i realized it’d been too long since i posted and i really need to do something but don’t have too much energy to write something all new, so here’s a rough one)

i have had a realization over the last several months here in nyc:  there are very few people who leave their home towns or states.  i thought this was a Merced phenomenon, or perhaps a California pheonomenon, but in actuality very few people leave their comfort zones.  Why?  I don’t know…well, yes, I do know.  It’s really hard to move away from a familiar place for several reasons.

when i left Merced for San Diego 7 years ago it felt like a necessary and natural step.  there was no doubt that i was going to college at UC San Diego and there was little choice in the matter.  I’m not complaining though; i am very lucky to have had the means and opportunity to go to a top tier university.  but at the same time there was a boarding school feel to my first couple of years there.  I can honestly say though that this was the only option I saw.  It saved my life, and I sincerely doubt I would have survived this long if I did stay in my hometown.

so i end up in san diego in 2001, 18 years old and completely disconnected to any kind of “world”.  it took about 2 or 3 years to find my way there, and when I finally did feel comfortable and “at home”, I was graduating from UCSD and looking into graduate school.  I had the option to go to Rutger’s University in New Jersey but chose to stay in San Diego, partly because of my long-term partner at the time and partly because it was “home”.  Another reason i stayed is because of my own propensity for sadness and isolation.  When I lived in New Hampshire for 3 months things were very difficult and scary (this was 2003), and I didnt want that to happen again.

so of course people don’t leave their home towns or states.  for one thing, many people truly do get along with their family members and old friends.  but family and friends aside, it’s hard enough to deal with trials and tribulations of adulthood, trying to do it far away from any support network (or trying to build new ones) is even harder.

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