Losing sight of my mission…
me, hurt.
It will never be easy for me to lose sight of my chosen mission in life. Whether anyone agrees with me or not, I am an ardent feminist. I believe women have an inalienable right to dignity and respect, something our culture and country does not afford us. The mere fact that we have to request, demand, or ask for this right is fundamentally wrong. Why will I never have trouble remembering this? Here’s one reason.
Today in my Women’s Studies class, I was leading into a reading by Gloria Steinem called “If Men Could Menstruate”; a well-known essay about how if menstruation was a masculine condition, it would be common-place, nay, manly and acceptable; i.e . the more pain the more gain, the heavier the flow, the more badass the bro etc. It would be normalized and idealized if men could menstruate.
Menstruation is a fact of life, PERIOD. Yes, it hurts and can make life difficult for (some) women, but if this was just an accepted and respected fact of life, it would not be so hated or feared in society. A hand in the back went up. A usually-quiet male student remarked, “Why don’t you just get fixed like a dog?” I have had many male and female students say highly offensive remarks in my classes, but I’ve never reacted so strongly. I told this student that he should be ashamed of himself, why didn’t he think before speaking, what is wrong with him? Another male student was laughing not only at the comment but at my reaction to the comment and I asked them to get out of my class and never come back. I felt like this student had just come up to me and punched me in the face with that comment.
I can’t help but think that my reaction only added fuel to the fire that women and/or feminists are crazy. The comment made one female student cry. The comment landed me sitting in the stall of the faculty bathroom crying on the phone to my radical feminist friend. The male student looked like I had torn him apart, and I did. And I hate that I did. I hate myself for my reaction, I hate myself for knowing this stuff, I hate men for being ignorant, I hate women for being ambivalent. I hate, hate, hate patriarchy.
It isn’t easy when I have no one to talk to here at this school. The one “anarchist” faction of professors I met are actually quite conventional in their hierarchical ideas, seeing me as a “young thing” here for no real purpose. Not to mention the fact that all of these “anarchists” are white men, one whom was rather inappropriate with me several years ago. Most of them would say I was too sensitive. Others may say it’s a joke.
“That’s whats wrong with women, they can’t take a joke.” A joke at the expense of other human beings are not funny.
“That’s what’s wrong with feminists, they’re too sensitive. You can’t say anything around them.” Ever think that the problem isn’t with feminists, but actually a problem with society and culture? *
I know how important my work is, but I am so goddamned tired. I’m tired of my profession being questioned. I’m tired of not having a supportive feminist environment. I’m tired of the constant criticism, questioning and discouragement. I won’t stop trying, but I’m tired.
