Losing sight of my mission…
me, hurt.
It will never be easy for me to lose sight of my chosen mission in life. Whether anyone agrees with me or not, I am an ardent feminist. I believe women have an inalienable right to dignity and respect, something our culture and country does not afford us. The mere fact that we have to request, demand, or ask for this right is fundamentally wrong. Why will I never have trouble remembering this? Here’s one reason.
Today in my Women’s Studies class, I was leading into a reading by Gloria Steinem called “If Men Could Menstruate”; a well-known essay about how if menstruation was a masculine condition, it would be common-place, nay, manly and acceptable; i.e . the more pain the more gain, the heavier the flow, the more badass the bro etc. It would be normalized and idealized if men could menstruate.
Menstruation is a fact of life, PERIOD. Yes, it hurts and can make life difficult for (some) women, but if this was just an accepted and respected fact of life, it would not be so hated or feared in society. A hand in the back went up. A usually-quiet male student remarked, “Why don’t you just get fixed like a dog?” I have had many male and female students say highly offensive remarks in my classes, but I’ve never reacted so strongly. I told this student that he should be ashamed of himself, why didn’t he think before speaking, what is wrong with him? Another male student was laughing not only at the comment but at my reaction to the comment and I asked them to get out of my class and never come back. I felt like this student had just come up to me and punched me in the face with that comment.
I can’t help but think that my reaction only added fuel to the fire that women and/or feminists are crazy. The comment made one female student cry. The comment landed me sitting in the stall of the faculty bathroom crying on the phone to my radical feminist friend. The male student looked like I had torn him apart, and I did. And I hate that I did. I hate myself for my reaction, I hate myself for knowing this stuff, I hate men for being ignorant, I hate women for being ambivalent. I hate, hate, hate patriarchy.
It isn’t easy when I have no one to talk to here at this school. The one “anarchist” faction of professors I met are actually quite conventional in their hierarchical ideas, seeing me as a “young thing” here for no real purpose. Not to mention the fact that all of these “anarchists” are white men, one whom was rather inappropriate with me several years ago. Most of them would say I was too sensitive. Others may say it’s a joke.
“That’s whats wrong with women, they can’t take a joke.” A joke at the expense of other human beings are not funny.
“That’s what’s wrong with feminists, they’re too sensitive. You can’t say anything around them.” Ever think that the problem isn’t with feminists, but actually a problem with society and culture? *
I know how important my work is, but I am so goddamned tired. I’m tired of my profession being questioned. I’m tired of not having a supportive feminist environment. I’m tired of the constant criticism, questioning and discouragement. I won’t stop trying, but I’m tired.
Excellent article, check it out!
Yashar Ali, a political commentator and writer, recently wrote an article called, “A Message to Women From a Man: You Are Not “Crazy”. This article really helps me put many incidents in my life into perspective. In response to men belittling women for expressing their disappointment, sadness and anger for disrespectful behavior by calling them “crazy” he defines as “gaslighting”. “Gaslighting is a term often used by mental health professionals (I am not one) to describe manipulative behavior used to confuse people into thinking their reactions are so far off base that they’re crazy”
I have been watching “Ghost Whisperer” now for a few weeks and am enjoying the obvious attempts to address social issues in some of the episodes. 
I’m not going to lie; the show is a little hokey. However it has an element of “mystery” in it (albeit predictable) and I kind of like the “here’s the lesson of the episode” thing it has going on for it (and Jennifer Love Hewitt is smoking hot, like seriously, who are we kidding?). Socially conscious episodes I’ve seen so far have discussed racism (S1 E19), the dangerous nature of conventional beauty (S2; E6) and domestic violence (S2 E7). However, I take issue with an episode I saw last night, “The Ghost Within”, Season 2, episode 4.
The entire premise of the show is the Melinda Gordan (JLH) can see and talk to the dead. They come to her for help, usually needing to communicate with living loved ones. This episode had an autistic man who was haunting his girlfriend, who is also autistic. Though his (dis)ability was not made known right away, it was very clear to me that he was likely autistic. Once Melinda “discovers” his different ability and discusses it with her husband, he says, “I thought people became normal once they died.” and she responds “Yes, the dead usually lose their disability once they cross over, but for some reason he hasn’t.”
WHAT THE FUCK? In my opinion, saying a person should become “normal” after they die, therefore happier, is fucked up. To me, that is like a white supremacist saying that all black people will become white (therefore better) when they die, ensuring eternal happiness and peace. Now, I don’t know what happens when one dies, and I’m not sure I believe in “heaven”, ”hell” or reincarnation, but I do know that here in the living world there are people who are differently-abled and we need to acknowledge and value their presence. I realize autism has received a significant amount of attention lately and, presumably, the incidence of children born with autism has grown. I am glad “Ghost Whisperer” has brought this issue to light, but instead of reinforcing the idea that it’s bad, shouldn’t we, rather continue to study how to better communicate with those who are autistic and encourage others to do the same?
Some links of interest:
OMG-it’s been forever
okay, so i haven’t written a post in ages for several reasons. Here are five of them:
1. Rough time at work
2. Preoccupied with shitty boyfriend (now ex boyfriend, thank goodness)
3. Was in Ohio for 3 months (what?)
4. Didn’t know what to say
5. I don’t have a fifth, but I like odd numbers.
So I am going to start posting again, though it will likely be infrequent. I just need some practice with writing, since I’m supposed to go to graduate school next year. Hmph.
Got happiness???
So I am a member of the Groupon site for NYC and Brooklyn. It’s a pretty cool coupon site that I’ve grown to love, and they like to give tips every day. Today’s tip was a guide on self-esteem. Here it is below:
The Groupon Guide to: Self-Esteem
Unfortunately, we don’t have people telling us how great we are all the time, necessitating the complex emotion of self-esteem. Here’s how to help you maintain a suitable amount of self-esteem:
Hour One: Cook a hearty breakfast. Not only will eating fill your lungs with nutrients, but the act of cooking will make you feel like a lumberjack—traditionally the tallest, and therefore most worthwhile, profession.
Hour Two: Read a book. Educated people are always happy.
Hour Three: Work with your hands. Why not create something positive and use your hands to make a birdhouse or a gang sign?
Hour Four: Think of others. Any time that you spend imagining that you’re volunteering can be written off on your taxes.
Hour Five: Spend the hour repeating, “You are not worthless,” over and over again. In no time, the words will lose all meaning.
Hour Six: Find a mirror and start staring. Studies prove that as long as you produce a reflection, you’re still alive.
I like this guide, but I take issue with “Hour Two: Educated people are always happy”. I’m sorry, but how many very, very, very smart people do you know who are truly happy? It is certainly fulfilling to be an enlightened individual, but I know more than one person whose life happiness has been ruined by reading books by acclaimed authors and philosophers.
Also, smart people sometimes have to deal with not fitting in socially, or compensating their over-awareness of the world in some other dysfunctional way. Imagine seeing things and reading into things no once else can see or understand? It’s not always pleasant. In fact, it sometimes curdles the blood.
I just like to think about what one of my students once told me. She said, “I just realized recently that I was a smart woman. And it’s really, really hard. And this class (women’s studies) has made it even harder to be a smart woman.” This statement made me happy, but also broke my heart.
Smart people are not always happy.
get hot.
“oh seriously, you’re gonna make mistakes. you’re young.”
“come on baby, play me somethin’, like here comes the sun.”
can you see the resemblance?
today i sat on a mock supreme court for my friend’s constitutional law final. i was ginsberg/sotomayor.
the final hours…
the final countdown to the end of the semester has arrived, and so too has arrived the headache of grading. so in the spirit of turning tragedy (hours upon hours of grading terrible papers) into comedy, behold the genius of PhD comics.
yep.
“just won’t” or “just wanna”???
so metric is one of my favorite bands and i frequently have the song ‘sick muse’ in my head, but when i sing it i say “everybody, everybody just won’t fall in love, everybody everybody just won’t play the lead”, but i was looking up the lyrics and they all say “wanna fall in love”. i like the ‘won’t” better…what do you all think?
i wish the internet would die.
kill the internet
today is one of those days i hate the internet. there are too many fucking ways for people to find another person and learn about aspects of their lives that one doesn’t really want to know. for example, i know how to find my ex-boyfriend’s flickr page. i really don’t need to see his life anymore, but it’s just there, waiting for me to click on it. WTF?
my roommates have similar issues. the whole ‘facebook stalking’ thing is so damaging to one’s fragile psyche. i recall conversations where the following questions are asked: ‘which friend is his ex? are there pictures? why did he just add that new girl as a friend?’ there is no fucking privacy anymore! i don’t WANT to know, yet my stupid quest for information, gossip, or validation keep me from ignoring it–also, it’s EASY to do. fucking internet. go fuck yourself.
